Your spouse had an affair, and you feel sick…
sick down to your soul. How can you move past this point of pain and despair, and feel happy again?
Having your spouse break your trust is one of the cruelest things that could happen to a person. It costs the victim so much.
In this blog, let’s examine the inequality that exists in the post-affair marriage—and how to recover more quickly, if you are the affair victim. Read on…
Post-Affair Marriage: An Uneven Burden
If an accident occurred and you were in pain, you could understand: it was an accident, and I am in pain as a result.
An affair is no accident: it is a premeditated decision, even if your spouse took two seconds to deliberate. Even if right after the sex they say, “What did I just do?” it is still a conscious decision—their foot didn’t slip off the brake accidentally.
When a spouse cheats, you could liken it to a car accident, in which one of the occupants in the vehicle (your marriage) gets thrown about the car, battered, bruised and broken, while the other occupant gets up, brushes themselves off—and goes on with their life seemingly without a scratch.
Even if your spouse is absolutely sick over what they’ve done, incredibly remorseful and begging for forgiveness, you are still the victim who got thrown around, and now need time to heal from being bruised and broken—and you were just an occupant, not at the wheel.
A cheater may push to rebuild the marriage immediately. They are anxious to undo the damage. What a cheater needs to understand is this: the burden, post-affair, is an uneven burden. The victim has so much more to carry, because they are the ones who have been so damaged through the loss of trust, the doubts and questions, the torrent of painful emotions and thoughts surrounding the affair.
An affair victim, in short, is broken across all levels—including their spirit.
Think about it: the emotional blow and the inner monologue you have about the affair, coupled with the sleepless nights, the racing thoughts, the anxiety for the future—it’s enough for anyone to lose hope.
An affair victim can feel so beat down by what has happened, they don’t know how to pick themselves back up. They want to heal, but they are despondent, exhausted, and tortured.
Here’s how to boost your spirit, so you can regain your sense of self beyond the affair and the remnants of your marriage.
Step 1: Doctor’s orders…
Just as if you’d been in a real car accident, you need time to heal. Physically, emotionally and psychologically. You have experienced a trauma. What would a doctor recommend? Rest, and plenty of it. Exercise, to help clear your mind. Support, from loving friends and family. Journaling, to work out the painful emotions.
Take the time to heal—don’t try to push forward until you are ready. You’ll only experience a back-set.
Step 2: Rediscovery
No matter who you are with, or what the future holds for your marriage, you always have YOU. When is the last time you checked in with yourself and did what made you feel confident and happy?
Rediscover those things that feed your soul. At first, you may feel too depressed to do anything. Give yourself a chance: when you feel so depressed you don’t want to move, tell yourself you’re going to do this nice thing for yourself for just two minutes. Then, talk yourself into a few minutes more. Most people, once they get going, gain momentum and dig in to the very thing they’ve been putting off.
Step 3: Make a List of Spirit-Boosting Opportunities
Has your self-esteem been shattered? Then challenge yourself to do something you’ve always wanted to do, like run a marathon, to help boost your self-confidence. When you feel good about yourself, your spirit and outlook naturally radiate. The spirit is like any other part of you: it needs nurturing and attention. Find opportunities to do so.
Do you feel as if your spirit is broken?
What is your biggest struggle each day?–
My best wises as you struggle through the emotional pain of your spouse’s affair.